This is a daunting post to write. This is a daunting DAY to live. Because it's the last day. The last day before I turn eighteen. The last day before I am officially, legally an adult. The last day, in effect, of my childhood.
I've never put much stock in birthdays. I have my own definitions for age. Babyhood is when you depend on the adults in your life for everything. Toddlerhood is about rejecting that life, becoming a person with a distinct identity -- a child instead of a baby. But even children form their ideas about the world through osmosis. They live to be taught.
Then comes teenagehood, the second toddlerhood. With this stage comes a swarm of new ideas and contradictory instincts. You begin to question everything you absorbed as a child. You learn to take two opposite points of view and find the good and the bad in both. You find yourself disagreeing with the people you trust most. I've been there. I know the roller-coaster of adolescence, and frankly, I love it.
It's what comes next that scares me. Adulthood. Defined by me as the state of being physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually independent. Which is fine when you're a TEENAGER. But now here I am, teetering on the edge of eighteen, and suddenly adulthood seems much less fine. Independence? Ha, forget about it. I just want a pacifier and a nightlight, please and thank you.
Fortunately, I don't have to do this alone. I have been given the best girls on Earth as sisters, a clever and caring woman for a mom, and a passel of other people I'm proud to call my family and friends. I also have a God whom I trust and a passion I believe in. These are my lifelines. With these, I will make it through. Somehow.
When I started, I meant for this post to summarize the things I've accomplished so far -- sort of a pep talk to get myself through the next year. But I've changed my mind. I'll just close with this:
Today, I teeter on the edge of a cliff. Tomorrow, I try my wings.
It is pretty daunting. And then you realize, your birthday is just another day. You won't magically be an adult just because tomorrow has come and gone. And of course you know that already, but sometimes we forget facts like that, so I thought I'd write it here as a reminder. Adulthood is exciting, but I still can't (and don't quite want to) say I'm entirely an adult. And I'm about to turn twenty.
ReplyDeleteYes, of course, Lisa, and I know that. I was actually trying to find a place to fit it into the post, but it never seemed right. Eighteen is a milestone, though, and it's one you can't go back on. (A shame, really, because seventeen is my favorite number.)
ReplyDeleteYou have a good way of wording this, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for reading my rambles. :)
DeleteThat's a lovely post. I imagine it would daunting..but you'll be a awesome adult!
ReplyDelete~Avon
Aw, thank you. I try. :)
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