How To Acquire Books While Broke

Is it just me, or are there A LOT of really excellent books coming out these days? I know that my TBR pile is shooting through the ceiling. However, in this economic climate* I cringe to spend money on anything but VITAL PURCHASES, like winter coats and haircuts and new Doctor Who episodes**.

How, then, am I supposed to get my hands on the books I so desperately desire? There is no way I'll touch a pirated copy, but I simply can't afford to pay for any but the most precious tomes.

After wrestling with this problem for some time, I think I've finally found an approach that works for me. And so I have prepared this handy guide to enlighten anyone who struggles with a similar dilemma. Behold:

HOW TO ACQUIRE BOOKS WHILE BROKE:

(IN TEN EASY STEPS)

Step 1: Get bored. Go on Twitter.

Step 2: Hear about FABULOUS NEW RELEASE, OHMYTOES YOU MUST READ. Investigate said book online. Drool.

Step 3: Hasten to library website. Find book in database. Put book on hold.

Step 4: Wait for book to arrive. (This usually takes about three years.)

Step 5: Discover that book has arrived at library. Dance and sing all the way down the street.

Step 6: Read book. Love book. Sleep with book on pillow.

Step 7: Realize that book is two days overdue. Reluctantly return book to library.

Step 8: Go looking for book. Remember that book lives at library.

Step 9: Weep.

Step 10: Remember that Christmas/your birthday/Bastille Day is approaching. SUBTLY HINT to all relatives and friends that "WOW, IT WOULD BE SO GREAT TO HAVE THAT BOOK ON MY VERY OWN SHELF, BUT OH WELL, I GUESS IT ISN'T MEANT TO BE."

Step 11: Repeat SUBTLE HINT as often as necessary.

Step 12: Receive MYSTERIOUS PACKAGE for Christmas/your birthday/Bastille Day.

Step 13: Open package. Discover book.

Step 14: Scream in delight. Hug everyone. Go hide under bed to reread book.

Step 15: Rinse and repeat.

~~~

Yes, it really is that simple. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to Twitter.


* I'm not quite sure what this phrase means, but I think it's something approaching: State of being a broke teenager who is working for minimum wage and trying to save up to move out and pay for important things like RENT and FOOD and so, so much more ...

** Yes, I just lumped Doctor Who in with winter coats and haircuts. I JUST REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO CLARA, OKAY?!