Eighteen

This is a daunting post to write. This is a daunting DAY to live. Because it's the last day. The last day before I turn eighteen. The last day before I am officially, legally an adult. The last day, in effect, of my childhood.

I've never put much stock in birthdays. I have my own definitions for age. Babyhood is when you depend on the adults in your life for everything. Toddlerhood is about rejecting that life, becoming a person with a distinct identity -- a child instead of a baby. But even children form their ideas about the world through osmosis. They live to be taught.

Then comes teenagehood, the second toddlerhood. With this stage comes a swarm of new ideas and contradictory instincts. You begin to question everything you absorbed as a child. You learn to take two opposite points of view and find the good and the bad in both. You find yourself disagreeing with the people you trust most. I've been there. I know the roller-coaster of adolescence, and frankly, I love it.

It's what comes next that scares me. Adulthood. Defined by me as the state of being physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually independent. Which is fine when you're a TEENAGER. But now here I am, teetering on the edge of eighteen, and suddenly adulthood seems much less fine. Independence? Ha, forget about it. I just want a pacifier and a nightlight, please and thank you.

Fortunately, I don't have to do this alone. I have been given the best girls on Earth as sisters, a clever and caring woman for a mom, and a passel of other people I'm proud to call my family and friends. I also have a God whom I trust and a passion I believe in. These are my lifelines. With these, I will make it through. Somehow.

When I started, I meant for this post to summarize the things I've accomplished so far -- sort of a pep talk to get myself through the next year. But I've changed my mind. I'll just close with this:

Today, I teeter on the edge of a cliff. Tomorrow, I try my wings.

How To Acquire Books While Broke

Is it just me, or are there A LOT of really excellent books coming out these days? I know that my TBR pile is shooting through the ceiling. However, in this economic climate* I cringe to spend money on anything but VITAL PURCHASES, like winter coats and haircuts and new Doctor Who episodes**.

How, then, am I supposed to get my hands on the books I so desperately desire? There is no way I'll touch a pirated copy, but I simply can't afford to pay for any but the most precious tomes.

After wrestling with this problem for some time, I think I've finally found an approach that works for me. And so I have prepared this handy guide to enlighten anyone who struggles with a similar dilemma. Behold:

HOW TO ACQUIRE BOOKS WHILE BROKE:

(IN TEN EASY STEPS)

Step 1: Get bored. Go on Twitter.

Step 2: Hear about FABULOUS NEW RELEASE, OHMYTOES YOU MUST READ. Investigate said book online. Drool.

Step 3: Hasten to library website. Find book in database. Put book on hold.

Step 4: Wait for book to arrive. (This usually takes about three years.)

Step 5: Discover that book has arrived at library. Dance and sing all the way down the street.

Step 6: Read book. Love book. Sleep with book on pillow.

Step 7: Realize that book is two days overdue. Reluctantly return book to library.

Step 8: Go looking for book. Remember that book lives at library.

Step 9: Weep.

Step 10: Remember that Christmas/your birthday/Bastille Day is approaching. SUBTLY HINT to all relatives and friends that "WOW, IT WOULD BE SO GREAT TO HAVE THAT BOOK ON MY VERY OWN SHELF, BUT OH WELL, I GUESS IT ISN'T MEANT TO BE."

Step 11: Repeat SUBTLE HINT as often as necessary.

Step 12: Receive MYSTERIOUS PACKAGE for Christmas/your birthday/Bastille Day.

Step 13: Open package. Discover book.

Step 14: Scream in delight. Hug everyone. Go hide under bed to reread book.

Step 15: Rinse and repeat.

~~~

Yes, it really is that simple. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to Twitter.


* I'm not quite sure what this phrase means, but I think it's something approaching: State of being a broke teenager who is working for minimum wage and trying to save up to move out and pay for important things like RENT and FOOD and so, so much more ...

** Yes, I just lumped Doctor Who in with winter coats and haircuts. I JUST REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO CLARA, OKAY?!

How I Broke My New Year's Resolution Without Ever Actually Starting It

*looks up at title remorsefully*

That pretty much says it all, doesn't it? Here I was with this great post all planned out about how in the new year I was going to make a habit of blogging more and not abandoning this place for months at a time. And then Christmas happened, and then there were some more days, and then all of a sudden it was today.

New Year's Resolutions are overrated anyway, right?

So, moving on from resolutions, here are some things I plan to do this year, which I am telling you because of ACCOUNTABILITY. Because if the INTERNET knows than I CANNOT GIVE UP. Ahem.

1. Graduate from high school. This is going to be harder than it sounds, because I was not actually planning on graduating until this year. (I was just going to go straight to university.) And so now I get to obtain ONE HUNDRED CREDITS in ONE YEAR. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

2. Write some books. I mean it. 2013 is THE YEAR. I have a fancy new idea all ready to start next month, and I'm getting SO CLOSE to the page-one rewrite of another one I can TASTE* it.

3. Revise some books. My NaNo novels of the last two years are calling to me. I'm going to be starting on Holly Lisle's How To Revise Your Novel next month, which I am insanely excited about. I have done some of her clinics, and they were all fabulous.

4. Get a new job. This is more of a hopeful, begging sort of plan. I don't know if it's actually going to happen -- there aren't many job opportunities where I live, and moving out requires, you know, money -- but I REALLY REALLY WANT a new job anyway. Not that I'm not glad to have my current job. Anyone who knows me knows that sanding picture frames at minimum wage is EXACTLY what I want to do with my life*.

5. Enter the query wars. Again, I'm not 100% positive that this is going to happen this year. I want it to, and you can bet that I'll be working my fingerprints smooth trying to get there. But whether I query or not depends on how well Goal #3 goes***.

So those are my Brand New Goals for this year. What are yours?


* It smells like strawberry-kiwi pie. Just in case you were wondering. [Disclaimer: I have never actually SMELLED strawberry-kiwi pie. This will be remedied ASAP, because it looks delicious.]

** I bet you thought I was going to say I don't actually like my job. WRONG. I LOVE SANDING PICTURE FRAMES.

*** Also on the alignment of the planets and the saltiness of the sea, and maybe a little bit dependent on how much liquid courage I pour on my breakfast cereal. But mostly on Goal #3.